Three things are clear after Super Bowl Sunday:
1. Red chili > white chili (by a mile).
2. K-Fect is the best house guest ever.
3. Tom Brady is the GOAT.
Now let me unpack those things.
A few days before the Super Bowl, Facebook started a rift between Mr. and Mrs. Jones when some fool posted one of those nonsensical “How well do you know me?” surveys. It rattled off typical questions like, “Who’s most likely to get mad, let the kids get away with murder, and burp?”
We giggled a bit before giving the obvious answer, but then things got real when the question “Who’s the better cook?” came up.
Mrs. Jones claimed her victory with a scoff that pooh-poohed any idea of there even being a competition.
Nearly 16 years of marital bliss and training taught me the only safe responses were resounding consent or silence. But as I’ve said, Momma Jones didn’t raise a punk, so there was no way I was just going to take that.
After some tears, and pretty impressive tongue lashing, it was determined our dispute would be settled with a chili cook-off: Her white, chicken “chili” versus the magnificent “Holy Halal” red chili.
To say it was close would be inaccurate, and even though our house guests were too smart to say anything, my near-empty crockpot said it all.
Our friend K-Fect had three bowls, but what really made Kirk stand out was his willingness to brush off his interpreter skills and help a newly arrived Syrian refugee family enjoy their first Super Bowl.
“It was a challenge,” K-Fect posted on Facebook. “Asking them if they were hungry or thirsty or if they wanted some dazhazh (chicken) was easy. But how do you explain football? I settled for raising my arms, signaling touchdown and saying, “Touchdown sitta (six).”
Kirk did have one complaint right before Gaga took the stage for a fantastic halftime show.
K-Fect said, “Chad, you’ve got the friends and you’ve got the food. All you’re missing is the game.”
Then he channeled his inner Meatloaf and said, “Two out of three ain’t bad.”
Some point in the third quarter, Brady heard Kirk’s complaints and decided to do something about it.
Between poor clock management, terrible play calling and garbage special teams, Atlanta did plenty to give up its 25-point lead. But don’t get it twisted. Tom Brady won Super Bowl LI.
Before the Super Bowl, I was already saying Brady was the greatest quarterback of this generation — better than Peyton Manning, Drew Brees and Aaron Rodgers.
After his Super Bowl-record 466-yard performance, which earned him his record fourth Super Bowl MVP and record-tying fifth ring, I’m here to say Tom Brady is the greatest quarterback ever — better than Joe Montana, Bart Starr or Otto Graham.
More than that, I’m saying the Michigan grad is the greatest football player ever — better than Jerry Rice, Lawrence Taylor or Jim Brown. He’s even better than Emmitt Smith.
Bottom line: When it comes to football, Tom Brady is greater than the great. He is the GOAT!
Just like Ali, MJ and my chili.
If you have comments on this or anything to do with sports, contact me at email@example.com or hit me up on Twitter @CTJibber.